Change, another piece in the puzzle …

Change … at first so very hard for me.  My resistance to changing and morphing into something unknown and new was very strong because I was well trained to plan, execute, and work hard towards expected results.  I thought I was already “me” but was discovering that I was not.  And as for my plans … my efforts to control things externally … my expected results fell consistently short and I experienced fears or sadness when those plans and expectations (a topic onto itself) failed to appear.  Fear and sadness prevailed when happiness did not result from a lifelong career, when relationships dissolved instead of flourish, when “doing what was right and expected” just plain didn’t work out.

Asking “What’s going wrong?” led me to look hard at myself and I discovered a piece of my puzzle … that the journey is about change without expectations, and not trying to predict what will unfold … simply allowing it all to reveal itself, and genuinely remaining open to seeing it all.  Once I had “Ahh Ha” moments that showed me how change fits in (moments I’ll share later) it all began to become clearer.  It all now seems so different … mentally reaching out to what unexpectedly unfolds with eager enthusiasm for the changes it creates.  It is all so different … but feels so rich and belonging to me.  It is also very emotional … scary and hard at times to manage.  But I am learning and adapting.  Where once I resisted these charged emotions I now welcome them knowing they are on the path to a richer me.  Such change … overwhelming at times … such change … flooding me with emotion at times … such change … and such a journey.

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