“… I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.” – Steve Jobs

 

 Understanding the pain of adapting … 

A new dance recently began at work … a new dance created by a new conductor for the orchestra.  I and my fellow dancers were caught off guard … knowing there would be change but surprised at the degree of instant change … its intensity … at the increased and jagged beat of the music being played.  We must dance before even learning the steps … and I must lead … and I have to quickly design dance steps for myself and my team to move gracefully with this new music with its new rhythms.  Change … more change splashing around me and needing peaceful integration with the new me. So much change … so fast … I feel like I’m swimming nearer the rough water close to shore … I feel like I need to find a way to swim out to calmer waters … I need to catch my breath … I feel like my strength isn’t enough to sustain myself and those with me in the roughness.  Uncertain and unstable times … but the times being given me.

The new music from this orchestra triggers things inside me … things that are not comfortable.  Old stories that were placed there long ago and are now revealed by the negative emotions being evoked.  My task is to hold each painful instance felt since the start of this new dance.  Hold it, see it as it is, refused to give my power over to it and simply remove it like a stone from a wall blocking my joy … blocking the sun and its warmth.  Lovingly remove it so that I and others can see the light … see and feel the warmth of the sun shining through.

It is a challenging voyage that has already travelled through anger, frustration, sadness, and now greater understanding which brings more peacefulness along with it.  But I am still in transition and those earlier felt negative and painful feelings arise quickly.  But I even more quickly move to hold them and remove them from the wall blocking my joy.  It is a work underway at work … a work meant to integrate my true self with the work environment presented me in this moment.  It is a work in progress …and we will see if I can successfully remove enough stones to remain whole and true to myself. 

 My intention is to continue moving though this new world of changes with grace and love.  My intention is to continue removing old stones blocking my joy … blocking the warm sun from me and others traveling alongside of me.  Though I am feeling more confident today, we will see what unfolds … for the pace of my adapting may not be fast enough … and I will face choices… choices key to sustaining my personal joy and core integrity. 

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