Some time ago I wrote in my blog …
“Sounds are being tried on, rhythms are being explored, and a new song is under construction. Though beginning to emerge, a harmonic rhythm remains elusive and has yet to rise from the fog of awakening. Clarity comes and goes, and at times it seems as though the work has only begun even though it seems like endless time and effort have been expended.”
This morning I rest in new yet familiar space … a space and place described by this humble expression. So much has changed for me. So much of “me” is not what it was. Change has become addictive while at the same time exhausting because I have yet to discover a place of replenishment … a port in the storm of reframing into what I am meant to become. My “port” is elusive … hidden under the fog of life and resisting detection. At times I hear its song calling and I momentarily touch its shores, but then I drift back out into the waters and lose site and sense of the peace of its offering … and I once again begin my search.
I sense that one cannot constantly morph without also discovering a means to consistently integrate moments of peace … some continuity of inner harmony blended with the tasting of a sense of spiritual rest and reflection. Feelings brought on through genuine, deep internal reflection and detachment from the “pace” of change. The challenge is that such a process is learned … learning based upon evidence produced from our feelings. I touch … I experience … yet I have not been successful at integrating my “peaceful port” process. I feel its absence … feel the effects … feel a “loss” from not being able to navigate to this place more frequently and consistently. The result is sensory fatigue. Fatigue brought on by not taking rhythmic breaths as the race is run. Yes … the paradox of experiencing rhythm amid the discontinuity of constant change. Discovering how to dance such diverse steps in my dance of life … simultaneously and with blended harmony. It does seem that my inner voice is whispering that this is my work, added to the already long list of areas to explore as I continue my journey through awakening and life.
So this is where I rest this morning. Moving through the waters just off shore from my peaceful island. Moving through the fog of life while seeking a port in the storm. A man seeking greater peace while also seeking greater change. A paradox … a dance … a search for greater rhythm. It is my journey within my journey.