It’s an interesting time …

Retirement is an interesting time.  It’s a unique opportunity to place one’s self on the timeline of our personal journey and marvel at the passage of time and the life lived.  Each moment of thought, if done in conscious reflection, creates opportunities for OMG moments … moments filled with deep, rich emotions which may either carry us into bliss or move us through deep inner pain or fear.

It seems that such moments are increasing recently.  In my almost 6 months since stepping into this new paradigm I’ve experienced the spectrum of emotions mentioned.  Moments where the new sense of freedom soothes like a warm blanket on a cold night.  Moments where the recognition of entering the later innings of my life creates an urgency to get life in order, sort things out, and live moments richly in the “now”.  Moments where memories revisit lost friends and loves that have moved on in this life or to the next.  Moments where memories revisit past abilities and youthful adventures … ones once easily experienced but now out of reach.  Retirement … a trigger event causing reflection across the years … across a life.

And common to all these experiences is the underlying sense of change … enormous, personal change.  At times overwhelming change … change that swirls around me and engulfs.  Change inside me and change physically.  Change that demands adapting to what “is” while still inserting myself into the equation determining what becomes.  Where is the demarcation between what will be and what I allow or choose to be?  When do I let go and where do I take a stand?  Yes … retirement is a trigger event … a tipping point where such questions now arise brilliantly illuminated.

But as a song says … I’m no superman but “I’m just out to find the better part of me”.  Each day offers me chances to figure things out a bit more.  There is no clear place to stand or path shown … only my best “hunch” reinforced by my trust that with each step I’ll figure out things the best I can.  Figure things out in the face of enormous change mixed with emerging feelings, and heavily sprinkled with joyful living when life is lived reflectively and with use of my inner compass.

So here I am.  And how will I move forward?  I will seek the joy believing that the rest will follow.  I will live in the “now” while navigating towards peaceful conclusion.  I will ride the waves created by joyful followed by painful or fearful feelings.  And I will trust … trust in what I’ve done in life so far that has allowed me to adapt, live with increased joy, discover new personal dimensions, and evolve into something different than the moment before.  It’s a dance … and some steps I know well and others trip me up.  But it is what “is” so I learn to embrace it and move on.  It is my journey …

Yes … it is an interesting time to be sure.

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