“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living.” – Gail Sheehy
I gaze out my window and draw a deep, peaceful breath. What I see creates a new, fresh peace deep within me. This kind of peace has not been felt for such a long time but it now speaks with a voice and expresses itself such that it stands next to me … within me … like never before.
It is a simple image I see … flowers, color, and nature’s palette painted onto an organic canvas that draws life from the sun and nourishment from the soil. Simple yet significant to me for it touches me in ways I’ve missed for many years. And though some would say it is merely a small garden, to me it is much more for it touches my core … an important and deep part of me that when touched creates penetrating joy within me and allows peace to flow throughout my soul. And it is here … now at arm’s reach … now part of my living space … space that now places me closer to nature … closer to a deep part of me that drives my sense of joy and happiness. It is here as part of a new, small, yet significantly different living space I call home.
Again, time has passed without my entries. My blogging has gone dark for many weeks. It reflects a time of transition still consuming me, an inner churning that broke earlier rhythms and causes me to continue drifting with the universe to see where a greater, future calmness lies. Though moments such as my retreat spawn my need to write and express inner thoughts and feelings, sustaining such expressions has not felt natural.
But I sense a change … a shift. A move to a simple, new place to live is the catalyst. It “feels” like it is the morning of a new day, a new week, and a world full of fresh intentions. There are interesting sensations … messages from within of my wonderful life that when considered create warm feelings of joy. I ride some wave of greater alignment and the water beneath my feet feels fresh, vibrate, and cold. A time in my journey unexpected while relished.
Yes … the feelings are strong today. And those feelings reflect my recent passage through this latest doorway into a room offering several other doors. My inner quest for more complete calmness, taming those pieces still seeking calm, motivates me to consider each door and the potential behind them. Some doors seem marked, some not. But the sense is strong within me to explore and keep moving forward into change while simultaneously taking more moments to re-align and center so that my intentions become sharper to guide my choices. And the urge to move forward is strong, driven by how rich these new, current feelings seem. As I’ve said before, it’s all about feelings and my recent decisions have set in motion this theory in dramatically new ways.
So the drift is different, and the sense of more change strong and fresh. I know that each step I take is now roaming this new hallway and as I walk I must become clear on my feelings … clear on what I feel and what I wish to create … so that more is understood as I knock upon each door to test it for echoes of alignment. Rest I can’t … knock I must … change requires engagement … and my choice is to continue my quest for change.