The curtain rises on change and feelings …

“If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if a blade of grass springing up in the fields has power to move you, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive.” – Eleonora Duse

 

I write from notes gently laid down during a past venture into my beloved mountains.  Notes consulted in earlier writings as well as in this moment.  On this particular morning, early rays from a star far away left illuminated pathways among nature’s community, a community standing ever vigilant over those lucky enough to share their space.  As I’ve mentioned before, I am an early riser … one that seeks the special energy of the day’s door beginning to open.  This day’s early morning energy permeated the stage I shared with nature’s community and began to connect us via spiritual and physical sensations.

Standing among my brothers and sisters the trees, I sensed a release of tension, a tension I carry when living out my urban life.  Though granted the joys of now working outside, bringing joy, adventure, and playful connection to families experiencing an urban park, there builds an ever-increasing inner restlessness each day, each week, and each month.  It’s this “restlessness” that I pack and carry each day I am away from the world of the high country. A pack that grows ever larger and increasingly heavier.

And over time (an ever-shortening period of time) the burden of my emotional pack defuses my moment-to-moment consciousness.  Its weight disrupts it to the point where discomfort interferes with the joyful feelings filling my life.  A signal, song, or calling talked about in other writings, not only signaling the need for action but also that I’ve not taken care of myself as I’ve promised, not honored past lessons learned through painful experience.

A moment of inner disappointment rises but is quickly dispelled since another lesson learned has been forgiveness … forgiveness to me by me for being an imperfect being.  Forgiveness allowing me to simply say “so, I once again need to heal … administer the antidote … not find time but create it”.

So I listen, shift weight, change cadence, and step towards a new horizon.  Where once I was hearing my inner music and beginning to take small steps to shift my course to a new direction, I now have “a trip” planned and a clear course set!   Vision and small steps have become reality, morphing into a date and place for a visit by this urban tourist to my mountain cathedral and the joys of sitting among my brothers and sisters.  Several days paying loving penance as part of the ceremony to regain spirit and heart.  And even though this healing trip is still a few weeks away, I already draw reward.  Simply the vision of truly “feeling” the energy shared with my community of nature raises warm emotions and excites my soul.  All signals that I’ve chosen well and that my journey’s course is now more aligned with my inner true north.

Yes … the trip … the feelings … the re-connection with my nature family … and maybe a bear or two … all excites and enriches the spirit and soul of this urban man currently too far away from his mountains.  And among these feelings walks other, soft reminders of my past lessons … time spent in life’s classroom.  Re-learning that more trips … ventures out into nature … are needed in order to remain whole.  It is indeed the journey needed by this urban mountaineer … my journey … my life and chance to bring more joy to myself and through my joy, hopefully bring joy to others.  Ahh … already one day closer … ummmmmmm, here come the feelings ….

One thought on “The curtain rises on change and feelings …

  1. “not find time but create it”. This really speaks to me. So well-put. Thank you for the clarity and your beautiful writing.

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