Falling off the cliff …

Today I fell … I crashed … emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.  I didn’t see it coming … and its appearance and intensity quickly overwhelmed me.  I somehow stepped off a cliff and fell through space and time losing all balance … feeling fear … fighting to retain my connection with the world I had to move through all day long.  I fought the pain deep inside me … pain in my heart … it hurt so much today … pain from feeling growing despair from sensing my loving spirit slip away and replaced by fear and panic.  The forces were so strong … so intense … so strong … so consuming … like a powerful army over running a group of children.

Each moment of today felt off balance … felt forced … required extreme effort to remain focused and connected.  The entire day was filled with such internal disruption and discourse.  It’s evening now and I seem to be recovering some … but I’ve paid a price.  I am exhausted … and discouraged that such an unanticipated and unknown force might occur so unexpectedly.   How discouraging it is to feel all the balance, joy, and sense of peace suddenly leave me … be beaten back by these violating sensations … force me to battle to gain them back.

Yes, I felt overwhelmed before I knew it and the strength required to defeat them seemed lacking. I have to understand it … know the “why” behind it … I see it is likely that past choices are returning to challenge me. Each challenge demands I retain my personal power … take action from a place of love that represents my best interests. But I am so tired … tired of the fight at times … tired of what seems a fight … a fight to step up to the next challenge, hold my power, and move in strength.

My intention is that I will move with strength … move even though depleted … regain and hold on to my power … design a dance suitable to the violating forces I feel are contributing to what faces me. I must believe I will regain enough strength to protect myself and not lose my personal power … it is my intention.

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