“Intimacy is not a happy medium. It is a way of being in which the tension between distance and closeness is dissolved and a new horizon appears. Intimacy is beyond fear.” – Henri Nouwen

Connection and Hugs …

I am ending today uncomfortable in my feelings.  Though the weekend was restful and at times nurturing, I feel alone this evening … disconnected from personal love.  Though not “sad” the feeling is noticed and felt and seems more simply a feeling of something missing … something wanted but unattained.

A hug … I am reminded of a “hug” … and the feelings I get when a loving hug is shared.  A hug would feel ever so nice tonight.  Yes … a hug … and what it brings … that sense of sincere, deep, loving connection.  Yes, just a hug would feel ever so good tonight.  The sense of security … the physical sense of being loved … the touch, smell and sense of closeness … it all would nurture, heal and strengthen.  It just would feel good … feel ever so good, and my inner voice says this body and spirit of mine wants such connection.

Though some say that we, ourselves, are enough and in the end we need no others in order to live a full life, I am beginning to see this as a compromise.  I believe that the uniqueness of the human experience is to possess the capacity to share intimate connection at a deep, almost spiritual level … connection formed and nurtured through love … connection that is love.  We all can stand alone, and live a full life, but to be joined in a deep, love based collaboration surrounded by deep, penetrating, almost spiritual connection with another offers a truly unique human experience … and opens doors to moments that change the heart and soul forever.

My life is so rich … but this evening there is a sense of something missing … this inner feeling of incompleteness though I know I am complete.  But I sense there is more … more possible … and I want to discover and experience it.  I am now a deeply feeling and answer seeking man … a man growing and discovering himself … a man that deeply desires to give love, take love, and be love.  I feel so deeply … so very deeply … and these feelings move me to discover what comes from a deep loving connection … one meant to be felt and grow into an even deeper, intimate connection.

What is happening for and with me is just my life … the life meant to be … the life being built by the universe on my behalf.  Seeking such connection is only one path among many in my complex journey … a journey unfolding in a more self-aware spiritual realm while trying to exist in the world of 5 sensory humans, monthly bills, and practicality.  Each day I take yet another step … then another … then another … and on, and on, and on.  I walk into the unknown … but do so with the desire to discover and feel.  I do so with this desire for intimate connection.  It is my journey of many roads … a journey which requires patience and letting go … a journey which requires having trust that in the end, what is meant to be will be.

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