In Need of Guidance … Grateful yet confused …
I recently had a test to determine the state of my body … or at least a significant piece of it. Though I was quite anxious in the days leading up to these tests, the results were excellent. I am grateful for my health, and see that new intentions might serve me well to build towards an even stronger body. I am grateful for what I have, and see that new intentions might serve me well to simplify, order, and identify that which truly enriches my life. And I am grateful for my willingness to seek change in myself … offer myself up to some greater force to reveal my fears, offering me the chance to move forward in confusion to do my work and hopefully gain clarity so that my future becomes different and better from my past.
I carried much anxiety over recent days. The resulting feelings and the confusion burdened me … made life like walking through thick mud against a strong wind. Where feelings of confusion and burden existed, there is now lightness. However, there remains much unknown about the fears I touched that created this inner turmoil but it was indeed significant and strong. There is so much I can learn from this episode of my journey, but life will soon take me in new directions so I must take what I know in this moment and move forward into the new. Life does not wait … it progresses … it churns into ever changing shapes that each require me to “feel” and learn. Some people “feel” and stand still … but those are ones that suffer from reliving the same songs of life over and over. I was one such person before the shift. My intention now … my promise to myself is not to stand and suffer but to use my feelings to move forward, even if in small pieces and steps. It is hard … at times exhausting … but I sense there is this brightness ahead … this warmth … this sunshine of life awaiting my arrival. I simply do not know how far I must walk to get there. So I commit to the constant taking of steps and trust that my journey heads in the right direction, remains open to signals that create adjustments, and retains the inner enthusiasm and desires for the joy that will be discovered. This is the process of my life … the broader journey I have chosen to travel.
My emerging sense of purpose still lies ahead … moving toward some moment offering greater clarity. The need for guidance remains. There are times when I am so confused. There are times I am fearful. There are times I walk in fog and there are times I walk in crystal clarity. There are times I am filled with powerful and rich love. Such a pallet of life feelings from which to paint my life. A life picture not totally known but being painted just the same.