“It is as if a king had sent you to a country to carry out one special, specific task.  You go to the country and you perform a hundred other tasks, but if you have not performed the task you were sent for, it is as if you have done nothing at all.  So people have come into the world for particular tasks, and that is our purpose.  If we don’t perform it, we will have done nothing. “      -Rumi

An interesting thought isn’t it?  It caught me this morning … caused me pause as I enter another day defined by COVID.  A thought arose … “What if all this loss of what once was thought as my purpose, life actions giving me great joy, is the Universe telling me I’ve missed the mark?”  That where I thought I had found that which resonates deep within me is not what I am intended to do.  That I need more work to understand that the joy I felt in “doing” really needs to be felt when sitting doing nothing … it must exist and be felt when nothing occurs … it must be felt from within quiet cells, cells not stimulated through conscious acts.

A close friend’s comments sparked the idea.  Readings of those focused on personal growth have long suggested finding our “purpose” is the end game, the place we all want to head.  They packaged it as “uniquely ours”, tailored to exactly what WE needed to feel our greatest joy.

I smugly thought I had discovered a life that resonated within me … brought me deep, rich feelings of connection and “sense of purpose” on several levels.  Then I suddenly experienced the pain of losing it all to a virus consuming the world.  All that once fed my soul, was gone.  And the sense of loss coupled with the emptiness of confusion enveloped me like standing in a dark room on a moonless night.  It was an act that crippled me emotionally, stripping away beliefs in discovering one’s purpose because once found, it seemed so easy to have it stripped away.  It clearly demonstrated that the model I thought reflected successful attainment of that which we seek in an aware life was fragile and easily broken.  How can something felt to be so true, so reflective of alignment between my soul and my journey during this lifetime, be broken and lost so quickly and easily?

In the swirl, confusion, and emotional pain I now move through I sense that finding one’s purpose is fine, but it is insufficient to living a rich, meaningful life of full connection with one’s soul.  It is not the “end game” but a rest stop along the path into forever.  It “seems” something more must be attained.  Something more permanent that transcends easy loss at the hands of external events.  Something deeper … more profound … more integrated within me.    Something that once found, once connected, exists and sustains regardless of events native to this particular planet.  Something truly apart yet richly connected to my deepest self, my soul.  Once found, something beyond loss.  Something that is felt even when stripped naked before the sun as health and physical existence fall away.

So new thoughts are driving a new quest.  Time and life may alter and change my steps, but I feel that a new path awaits me, one where something beyond purpose exists.  The “how” has not revealed itself but then a journey never is known until taken.  New thoughts … new directions on my compass … new steps in an unknown direction … a walk seeking greater understanding of how my physical and soulful presence might connect with the Universe through some relationship that once found, never can be lost.  Yes, it may be as simple as always returning and spending more time in the “present moment” but I am unsure, and I feel like there is something more profound serving as the key of entry.

Thoughts … reflections … reaction to emotional pain … and more all swirl as I form new thoughts on my relationship with the Universe.

A gift? … certainly!

A quest? … without doubt.

A journey? … likely so.

And what actions I will choose remains a mystery as I examine the choices laid before me on the buffet table of life.  I am indeed entering an interesting place in time and space.  Where will it lead … ???