“We cannot stop the winter or the summer from coming. We cannot stop the spring or the fall or make them other than they are. They are gifts from the universe that we cannot refuse. But we can choose what we will contribute to life when each arrives.” – Gary Zukav

My brother travels eastward.  It is a journey for his life.  For many months he has endured … fought the good fight … found within himself the seed of life sufficient to enable him to face each day carrying hope while burdened with pain, immense discomfort, and a failing body.  He now travels to a clinic in the Midwest hopefully ready to offer him a new liver, one born from another’s misfortune but destined for new gifting of life.

This journey was been shared.  His loving and supportive wife has nurtured him through these terrible months, sought understanding of his infliction, and discovered opportunities to bring him relief.  Her effort would have overwhelmed others but like my brother, she has found something special within her to keep her focused and moving down an unknown road.

Family and friends all now share a common bond … sending my brother and his wife rich blessings and best wishes that these final steps on his journey to a new tomorrow is successful.  Yes, there is much that lays ahead but this approaching moment is a turning point … one supported by many and hopefully meant to be made successful by the universe.  It all is now in the hands of greater forces.  Immense love is now flowing eastward … closely following them.  May it wash over them, help protect them, and contribute to the strength and wisdom of those about to change a life for the better.

Sending blessings, love, and support …

“Be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud.” – Maya Angelou

I have entered a time in my life where reflection and thought occupies a significant portion of my thinking.  This time … these moments of thought … all are reflected in much offered within this simple blog.  And this journey of mine is a time when I deeply enjoy discovering about myself through experiencing and observing my relationship with my world and the feelings it creates.  My fascination reflects a counterbalance to many years spent not knowing nor listening to my feelings and living scripts others had presented me to live.  It reflects the excitement felt from change, and though at times the themes may sound repetitive, each step is unique for it creates within me sensations never felt for many years.

Now, living each day fully and “thinking” about my life … a rich life … represents time well spent given the “Me” evolving and forming.  Again and again I find connection is much of what feeds my soul these days and I’ve come to see its place in the emerging fabric of “Me” … a tapestry forged through living life, making mistakes, discovering myself, and my willingly walking a journey towards change.  To my delight I’ve learned that immersing myself in situations … opportunities where chances abound to step “out” to connect … to bring what resides within me out and offer it to another person … and take in return their offering to me … creates a transaction that leaves me feeling powerfully joyful, healed and whole.  I’ve come to learn that I must seek such circumstances for it pulls me into greater awareness about myself, gifts me rich feelings, and affords fresh and meaningful chances to enrich my heart through imparting kindness.

And as I learn … as I experience more and more of these encounters and exchanges … I see that connection can occur in almost every moment of a day.  Granted, larger venues such as the recent airshow I worked, or this past weekend spent working for a close friend at the Harvest Fair offer many rich and fulfilling opportunities for wonderful and meaningful connection.  But rich moments also await an interaction with a checkout clerk, someone arranging clothing in a store, a person approaching a door ahead of me, and a stranger walking while leading a trusted and loved four legged friend.  Each offers a window in time and space where I can choose to step forward and connect.  Each offers a moment where a connection is achievable.  Each offers an instance where a momentary touching through kindness genuinely given may color, enrich, and lighten another’s day.  And without expectation, I know that such moments, regardless of complexity or size, enriches what lives inside me.  I connect … not for others as much as for myself … with hopes but not expectations that others will feel some of the richness I sense.  It all is an interesting dance … and one that increasingly offers my life meaning and leaves me saying at the end of each day … “Yes, this was a day worth living.”

A Volunteer’s Tale …

Each year I work at the PCAM Airshow as a volunteer.  It is joyful work as I interact with guests at the front gate, carrying out the search requirements mandated by today’s world.  Though it appears on the surface simply a bag check, the connection occurring each moment reflects much more.  It is a moment in time when strangers meet surrounded by shared excitement and anticipation.  It is a moment where common purpose prevails through graceful cooperation.

Long days standing under the sun are experienced as my co-workers and I carry out our tasks.  But for me, so much joy comes to me through each momentary connection … connection with guests … a warm and genuine greeting, and a sincere sense of appreciation for them (our guests) allowing me to reach into their world and briefly inspect and search.  This moment is not trivial for I honor the fact that they chose to allow me access as some unwritten agreement for entrance.  And without my process, no admittance can be gained.

So I honor that agreement through connection … trying my best to lighten the moment and ensure each guest is given my sincere message of “thanks” for sharing their day with us.  And for my efforts carrying out my appointed task, I am given something so very rich in return.  The guests … men, women, children, infants … veterans, seniors, families … every color of this rainbow called our society … almost all reflect back to me warmth, kindness, and lightness from the shared excitement of the day and what lays ahead.

These riches are poured upon me moment after moment as the day unfolds.  Quick, friendly, and sometimes playful exchanges occur as I ask to reach into a purse, or examine camera equipment being carried by a young man weighing less than the equipment he carries.  So many magical moments as small, stuffed dinosaurs, elephants, and bears emerge from brightly colored backpacks carried by a small child.  Such rich displays of young responsibility as a small child proudly steps forward making sure I see into their colorful, sequined covered purse as well … allowing them to “feel” an equal to their parents doing the same.  It is a momentary dance of community with a common purpose, and the buffet of feelings within me is enormous as the crowd passes through hour after hour.  I deeply appreciate what each passing guest has allowed me to do … and I am thankful that as a broader community we have momentarily traversed an awkward moment with the grace (rough as it might seem) of a ballerina, successfully and with lightness.

For me, it is like a wonderful Christmas morning for with each exchange I receive a gift … one that leaves me feeling wonderful at the end of each very long, hot, and “worth living” day.   It is a time of renewal … a time when my sense of connectedness with those around me is tuned to its greater essence … kindness and mutual support for a greater good.  And as I carry home each evening the inner wealth of joyful feelings given me throughout the day, I reflect and give thanks that this day was lived, felt, and experienced in the moment … so many moments … so many wonderful connections with so many wonderful people.  And I feel rich beyond measure … a feeling I relish along with my sunburn and tired legs …

“The self is not to be shaped, it is to be discovered. It is not to be desired, wished or prayed for…

Its true beauty is to be found in the mystery unfolding out of the moment.” – Openhand

I continue on my journey, one which I know will carry me through my remaining days since the joy is in the traveling and change, not in reaching any destination. My walk has revealed much, much more than I ever dreamt. Through my choices I’ve moved through and with increasing awareness, learned to trust and “feel” my feelings, and do “work” (deep self-exploratory work) to understand and give meaning to all that I am experiencing.

For each of us the journey is unique.  Some will purposefully engage with process and intent.  Some will simply live each day unaware of changes within them or the feelings they create.  Both are real.  Both are right for the time and person.  For me, the journey has created conditions which allowed me to bloom and expand into a day-to-day life filled with joy.  It has opened a door into a room filled with new color and light, cooled by the breezes from the sea, and calmed by music touching my heart, and it has created joyful feelings more intense than ever before.  It wasn’t always that way so this journey has significantly changed me and continues to change me each day I walk.  But I believe in it and will continue my journey and my work because the results are candy for the soul.

“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” – Mark Twain

Feeling Like Family ….

Having a sense of belonging … being included as an equal … feeling inclusive love … are some of the many gifts extended me during one of my summer adventures as I began my transition into retirement.  I was the outsider brought into the family of a close friend, and I was quickly swept in with enormous kindness, love and inclusiveness … creating rich feelings that deeply touched my core and left me feeling ever so wonderful.

My “regular” family is very dear to me with its few loving members spread to the south and east. And the joyful feelings experienced within only a week from this new family left me feeling like many years of togetherness had passed rather than only the few days of my visit.  The depth of their welcome overwhelmed me in so many good ways and left an imprint still felt today.  It was an amazing feeling … an amazingly rich and wonderful feeling.  Being welcomed with love, included as though you never where outside, and made to feel an equal … such things create feelings that touch the very core of many, if not all of us.  And when these things are woven into the context of being an outsider to the family of another, they become even more powerful … at least for me.  This precious window of my life meant the world to me, and I will cherish that visit and those feelings forever.  But then, loving kindness and inclusiveness has a way of doing that doesn’t it …..

“Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come.” – Henri Nouwen

Connecting with a Thought …

This quote … a simple set of thoughts … resonates and launches feelings within me. They linger and remain, so I know they must have meaning. So I listen, honor my inner compass, and make these thoughts my intentions for this day. A simple and meaningful road map for this early day in Sept.

“Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” – Dr. Seuss

My New Todays …

Welcome to this day! All days before it have been traveled. All days ahead will be encountered as they arise one-by-one. But it is this day … the day in the now … where we may all step into a day with joy, kindness, and excitement. With intentions at our side, we all may take this day’s journey and discover the treasures offered us along the way.

Last week I completed my first re-entry into my newly driven work life … a new work life built upon a new paradigm. One quite different yet the same from the years spent before retiring. Without certainty, I stepped forward into this new experience being open to what it might bring. As I walked, I listened closely to my inner compass … my feelings from each moment as each day unfolded. And what flowed from within fed my soul.

Each day left me feeling rich … rich from the new chances for connection as I address managers collected to hear my tale … my description of the journey I wish them to travel as partners in an adventure. I spoke my truth, heard their excitement and fears, acknowledged and validated, and imparted my excitement and optimism. I offered new choices … choices they may choose that offer guidance, and connect, form, and begin building new teams. I too made new choices, choices meant to help guide me on the latest path in my journey. Each new “today” is simply one step in the forming … one step in the process that is now beginning and will grow as the next many months unfold. It is a process I will nurture through communication and collaboration. It is the process I love.

Woo-Hoo, what a great time in my life huh? I feel quite blessed and fortunate. My hope is that your days will rise in some similar fashion, offering you fresh and enriching feelings from your encounters. Days’ worth living … days connecting … days touching in love and kindness … days sensing that some small moment of creating good feelings has occurred. It is an intension for us to share, and it “feels” like a journey well worth taking …

“A lot of people resist transition and therefore never allow themselves to enjoy who they are. Embrace the change, no matter what it is; once you do, you can learn about the new world you’re in and take advantage of it.” – Nikki Giovanni

Time Passes … Absence Clears the Mind and Helps Direct the Soul

I’ve been off-line for several weeks now.  Almost two months have passed since retiring and visits east with new friends, discussions with potential employers, volunteering, reworking my apartment, purging and simplifying my material belongings, a backpack trip, and just newly relished free time have all been poured into the mix of my new, evolving experience.  As you can see, the list can become quite extensive when one steps into this thing called retirement, and so far each step has brought me joyful feelings.

My life continues to move through the early phases of transitioning from a career of intense work towards something new and sweeter.  I continue my approach of “loose direction” where I have overriding intentions but allow events to unfold organically.  At times a voice within asks “What will unfold?” but I kindly set it aside knowing that my task is not to ask “what” but to simply continue taking small steps in directions that bring me good feelings.  Movement toward a new, part time opportunity is feeling quite good so small steps are set along that path.  Changes in my living space and increased simplicity in my life feels good so yet more small steps are set in those directions.  Each branch on this quickly growing, new tree of life is addressed in a similar fashion.  So far … the pieces and the whole feel good and my inner compass says I’m on course while still seeking my destination.

My intention of experiencing two months of little or no commitment has provided me time to clear and softly break from the work rhythms built for so many years.  Though still in transition, I feel the paradigm shift clearly emerging.  I feel I’m now standing somewhere very different, poised to allow new experiences to begin building new paradigms.  Change … underway and yet to be encountered … and it all feels very, very good.  As my new moments approach I know that this transition will prove different and interesting, and offer me new, deeper experiences on my life journey.  And so far, I have not been disappointed…

“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.” – Alan Cohen

Zooming … And It Feels Good …

Life now seems to zoom by me even as I step into this new thing called retirement. As I finish my third week I look back and applaud how busy I’ve been … busy at making many more changes on top of leaving my 45 year career … all as part of the new setting for new and exciting adventures.

Creating an atmosphere for greater change seems my current calling and changing my living environment seemed a high priority within me. Since “stepping away”, most of my effort has focused on totally changing my living space, and the result (though some minor tasks remain) leaves me feeling wonderfully refreshed and clearer. A close friend’s ideas and suggestions in concert with mine have resulted in creating the feelings I wanted to stand in day-to-day. I strive for greater simplicity now … greater willingness to move in new directions … greater acceptance that I can move forward even if I don’t know the path … all inner desires speaking louder these days. My totally rearranged environment speaks to those goals. Many little things add up, and I am allowing these new “little things” to stack up around me in order to create an atmospheres conducive to fully engaging this time in my life … this time for new exploration and change. It all “feels” very good. It all feeds my sense of new opportunities awaiting me if I remain pliable and open to change. And the new opportunities to rise later without the sense of obligation is one of the new feelings being experienced as I continue my journey moving down this new road of transition and transformation.

“Every moment and every event of every man’s life on earth plants something in his soul.” – Thomas Merton

Lessons Learned …

As I continue my transition to my new life, separating from what was to what may be, exploring new freedoms, changing my living environment to match my new beginnings, and moving toward new adventures, I am filled with love even though I also carry sadness for the afflictions faced by my brother. His journey with liver failure and failing body continues … and each day’s decision to continue the fight are his decisions … made with reason and bravery … and the combination of all is what some say his soul needs to grow and achieve its desired end … but to watch him suffer and endure is difficult. There are so many lessons swirling from this single story, but for me, a spectator in the seats, I feel “letting go” and “living in the moment” are the two most vividly standing out.

I see this morning that his journey is partly my journey … offering me and all touching him opportunities to reflect on our personal sense of our own human experience. Through his suffering … through his chosen path and its experiences … we (I) am offered chances to consider how being human feels … how I would desire my experience to manifest itself should similar circumstances demand it. As ongoing updates of his failing condition arrive, I reflect and find something unique is evolving. It is fascinating how I now view my brother more as a spiritual teacher than a human suffering the hardships placed upon him by his diminishing health. It is offering me a different paradigm from which to move, and knowing that my brother’s path is still unfolding my lessons will continue to reveal themselves. Lessons in life … lessons in letting go … lessons in living each moment in the moment … and many more.

This journey labeled life … mine or anyone’s journey … can be colored in shades of grey or written in vivid colors. In each moment we choose which palette to use. There are no bad choices … only choices. Each choice simply defines a moment … one that consumes itself like a flickering flame and is replaced by the next. Each moment, a brilliant flash … replaced immediately by the next … and it too consumed and replaced … with no future defined other than one’s personal willingness to remain walking into an unknown future. This is the message being felt by me this morning … this mature man in transformation.

And the feelings swelling within me this day … this day made of moments … of flames feeding flames … are unusually strong this daybreak. Does it reflect greater awareness? Does it reflect the manifestation of my own experience? No … it simply “is what’s felt” within me. And it moves me in a direction … showing me where to place my foot for the next step. It is my journey … reflecting lessons learned and feelings felt … moment-by-moment … with each step I take.