“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” – Alice Walker

Losing My Power … There it goes again …

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I’ve seen, experienced, and learned about gaining, keeping, and losing my personal power over the past couple of years.  At times the lessons where painful and memorable … unfortunately just what I needed to understand more fully what all this power stuff is about.   It seems that things just need to be that way when the lesson is an important one … and this one surely is.

Just as I’ve learned to “sense” when I’m gaining or taking on more personal power and reflecting my authentic self, I now can more clearly sense when I’m giving it up.  I “feel” it when I slip back into old ways and my ability to be “me” is given up to the fear of not pleasing others, or from fears of making a mistake.  It’s been a fascinating and valuable skill to acquire … this sensing/feeling thing … but it came as a result of many repeat performances where I surrendered myself … my persona truth … betrayed my core beliefs … and gave up my spirit and who I was in fear of self-defined authority or to please.  You see, I was raised and learned ever so well how to please … I even took my self-worth from making people happy … and in the process learned quite well how to constantly and automatically give up my power.  Throw in a splash of framing authority in fearful ways where again pleasing was paramount and I was set up to give myself away quickly and automatically … surrender my personal power while thinking it was what I wanted/needed to do.  But I have moved on and now travel in a new comfort zone.

What’s different now? I’ve become aware of the process awareness as a result of many hours of self-reflection, listening to feelings, and seeking views and feedback from close and trusted friends. I’ve also learned … learned that I need not give up my inner beliefs and truth because I can respond in a way that meets the perceived need while remaining my authentic self … my real and genuine self. And I’ve come to more clearly see the fears… fears that trigger me into this old paradigm … fears like perceived authority, desire to please (especially those in higher positions of influence), and fear of failing or making a mistake.

So now … when I begin to give away my personal power … I “feel” it and its discomfort.  That gives me a moment … a breath within which to frame it and its triggers, allow it to flow through, and seek out alternative choices that retain “me” and feel right while also offering relief and response.  It’s challenging, creative, and most times works but more practice is surely needed since I still trip, fall, and tumble … but the effort is truly worth it because the feelings from being true to one’s self, holding on to who I am, and stopping the “giving away” when I slip is much, much more satisfying than the alternative.  And it’s all about feelings … following the good feelings and living the genuine life.  Listen … feel … react … and hold on …

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