Love Transcends …

I recently completed a journey … actually something of a pilgrimage … my cousin and her husband from the east coast together with me visited with my brother and his wife. My brother’s recent life journey has taken him through life threatening medical challenges and he still faces more even though his medical crisis has somewhat stabilized.

Meeting my brother after Cous traveled across country and I traveled south was joyful … love transcending the fears and fatigue experienced by all. The medical crisis demanded much from my brother and his wife. Fears have been many, and challenges both physically and bureaucratically abound. And though my brother’s “look” has morphed into a much leaner version of his earlier self, his heart remains filled with love and his self-awareness sharpened. His inner strength and bravery enabled him to make ongoing choices committed to his recovery and life, and his sustained optimism helps carry him into and through each new set of tests and each day of recovery. He’s a wonderful reminder that what’s inside us is what were are, and that crisis can be addressed one small step of courage at a time.

It was a love filled week, and I am grateful on many levels …

Airports …

What a wonderful display of diversity … so many stories, so many styles, some similar and some not.  A “people watcher’s” delight.  An opportunity to be reminded that my way … my path and how I see things … are only mine.  Each soul passing by has their own, created from the pieces of their life acquired along their personal journey.

And with that awareness I understand better that as I walk my path, embracing collaboration, I am meant to discover ways to blend … merge and integrate into this vast, diverse buffet of personalities and styles.  It “feels” like it’s not simply me convincing others to accept my position but more of me listening with compassionate awareness to hear the stories of others and seek out touch points where common connection and shared ideas reside.  Awareness meant to detect then build connection, not force.  Something seeming obvious yet easily forgotten.

Embracing collaboration means (to me) embracing the blending of diversity … seeking natural points of connection … nurturing such points and establishing trust around them.  All are dance steps I need to practice over and over again.  And doing so “feels” good.

“When you’re surrounded by people who share a passionate commitment around a common purpose, anything is possible.” – Howard Schultz

I Wish … And Yet See It’s Simply Me

I wish to bathe in kindness … standing in places where people care, love, and express that which uplifts others. I wish to move in ways that hear and honor ideas brought by each person and leaves them vested in what evolves. I wish to stand side-by-side with others working towards kindness-based efforts that are framed in loving intentions and not anger. I wish to join with others that recognize that contribution is one’s best effort, and that such efforts … all such efforts … bring value if one sees it and holds it in the sunlight of human diversity. And I wish to share the celebration of life and the experiences gain by moving through it in small steps strengthened by personal courage and a sense of adventure.

But wait … I see something else … I see that by “wishing” I look to the outside where old scripts so easily direct my focus. I “see” that it isn’t something to “wish” for but something I already hold … something I already own because I bring it from within myself. I “see” that I already have what is needed to create the feelings I seek, and that I am empowered to bring those feelings forth and create that which I seek. The task is to discover places … settings where those existing feelings are simply strengthened … places and settings where the feelings grow and become more intense … where that which surrounds me harmonizes the most with how I wish to feel. Those are the places I “wish” to stand the longest, for those are the places where I feel my connection and sought feelings the strongest. So yes, my “wish” is to simply be me … and seek places along my journey where “me” feels the strongest.

“I believe that if you don’t derive a deep sense of purpose from what you do, if you don’t come radiantly alive several times a day, if you don’t feel deeply grateful at the tremendous good fortune that has been bestowed on you, then you are wasting your life. And life is too short to waste.” – Srikumar Rao

Feeling Good …

Each day brings an aware soul more understanding of this thing called life.  It’s been my experience that as one matures, life is seen through ever changing lenses.  Over time, such lenses become refined … more tuned to “me” as each moment of my journey unfolds.  The increasing clarity this tuning brings reveals much that changes me … sometimes in small ways and at other times overwhelmingly.

And as I see anew, I feel.  I feel from within … from both familiar and new places.  And these feelings add to the meaning … the story created from these clearer images of my life in the moment.  And the feelings “feel” good, so I know that what I see and how I feel about it remain on the course meant for me in this lifetime.

Life needs meaning.  My life needs meaning.  And I feel actively engaged in a quest for meaning that resonates within me.  I see that my meaning comes from many diverse, small contributions discovered in each of the moments spent on my journey.  And within me is a powerful force poised to connect … connect in these moments in ways that uplift and aid, or simply create loving feelings for those sharing this tiny blue and green sphere with me.

In this moment … on this day … walking this journey I feel very good.  I feel connected.  And I feel open and responsive to what will unfold as I take my steps into the moments ahead for me as I head out into the world of the sphere.  It is a peaceful walk … by a peace walker … and it all feels very, very, very good.

Namaste …

“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” – Alan Watts

Youthful Discovery of Self …

I spent today visiting with my student daughter.  She’s in her second quarter of a program in a university close by but requiring her to live on campus and away from home.  She lives with her mom, not me.

Going away to school … so many new things … so many changes … moving away from her home with her mom, dorm life, making new friends, learning to eat well (or at all), adjusting to the protocols and time needed for studies, and more.  So many changes so quickly.  And from where I stand, she’s navigated it all quite gracefully as though the waters where calm and gentle.  There is some sense of measured stress while feeling excitement about the new freedoms and adventures.  But she is engaged … stepping into whatever these new situations bring forth into her life.  Such a gift to see her embrace it all with grace, enthusiasm and courage.

Today was a wonderful day getting caught up on how her life is changing and unfolding as she experiences being out on her own, making decisions, and becoming independent.  It feels so good watching how she is moving through all these changes … learning each day to be herself, moving away from what she has been in the past.  I see a bit of stress but also sense growth and her wanting to be part of the adventure and the freedom it brings.  What a youthful discovery of herself.  What a gift to be able to watch her.

I love her beyond measure … she is such a blessing … and such a joy to watch evolve.

Grow From Churning … At Least I Hope So …

Sitting outside Starbucks I watch traffic go by … I’m a spectator watching the world unfold in an infinite number of ways, each moment creating a new chapter for an infinite number of stories … many times a person just like me. And while I watch, I churn … I roll and tumble within myself from a mix of unknown causes … causes creating my own internal set of stories.

My internal stories seem as mixed as those I watch travel by. Some sit like pictures from some spiritual setting, immersed in peace and calm. Some flame with emotion and feelings, framed more as some passion filled script to a stage play. It is a complex palette, for I am a complex man.

Varied as they are, none of my stories produce fears. All produce “warm” feelings. All seem part of who I am and who I’m becoming. But they also seem incongruous … too unique to be part of a whole. But maybe not … maybe the sense of incongruence comes from applying old, external scripts as the bench marks. Old definitions of what “should be”. The time to once more shed the old and allow some new, yet to be defined definition emerge is upon me.

At least that’s how it seems ….

“Health is not valued till sickness comes.” – Thomas Fuller

A Good News Day …

When a loved one is ill … disparately ill … fears arise easily.  Such situations create harsh challenges while also revealing the extensive and sometimes unnoticed foundation of support and love one earns when moving through life with kindness to others.  My loved one… my brother … recently faced such a challenge.  One that took him to the edge and back.  One that created fears in many of us.  And as he and his wife navigated through the rough currents of fear, the support and love blossomed like a field of lovely roses … varieties of many kinds … family, friends, co-workers … more.  And it has been that way for many, many months.

And recently I was passed good news … news that he’s past one more critical milestone.  One that indicates his body is healing slowly and in a good direction.  And there is joy … much joy that progress is being made and this incredible journey is reaching a place where sunlight and soft breezes may once again blow.

Good News today … very good news.

A Hole Remains …

Today I hiked … a passion creating deep, calm feelings inside this maturing frame and spirit.  When out … when one with my passion … I see more clearly.  And while ascending a section of trail today I looked within, and I discovered an old, troublesome companion.

I visited the hole within me today … that place that long ago I needed love and was refused it.  A gap … a chasm … a gorge that was formed during my early life for it was not just a simple need but deep, disparate, and long sought yearnings.  The absence of response carved out a hole that even with time, self-work, and recognition that I am loved, never healed or filled.

Many visits of this place have occurred through time but until recently I failed to see it realistically.  At times I felt it was healed … or at least filled so that its sting was significantly softened … but today’s visit tells me the hole goes unfilled and remains.

So I must continue my work … realizing the truth that I am loved … by myself and others important to me.  I must reframe the old, long held feelings into more realistic voices reflecting the truth and not perceived past conditions.  And I must realize the hole will never be filled because it is a hole reflecting past loss … time in my past when I needed love and it wasn’t there for me … forcing me to compensate, ignore, and repress feelings so that I could go on.

“You can’t get to where you want to be if you are unhappy with where you are standing … you are better to search for the joy in the “now”, create the feelings that speak it, and use it to discover new opportunities to move close to your passion.” – Ester Hicks

Creating Joy in the Now while searching for alignment …

This is something of a new concept for me.  My journey has taken me to a place, a place where I “feel” that I want to do more with my life … with my energy … with my time remaining.  My heart yearns for this … it reaches out seeking to make a difference in a human life … directly … meaningfully … offering impact in a way that clearly uplifts another soul from their struggles and challenges.

I’ve worked a very long time and my career has been good to me.  Many roles where worked, and with each role I gave much … sacrificed family and self … and sought forgiveness for making such poor choices.

“Give to others” … “how others see me is my real value” … these were earlier songs I sang in my roles.  But I no longer sing those melodies.  In the past I naively thought the value was in the “doing”, not in the feeling and until recent years feelings were unfelt and poorly known.  But as life unfolded, the miles travelled revealed how I had chosen to live by others scripts and not my own … and I learned the folly of such living and discovered a richer place from within me.  I chose to change and now stand in a place where the scripts are shed and only my inner song is sung to the orchestra of my feelings.

My feelings are now sharper and clearer, and serve as the compass directing me in darkness and in light.  And though joy is found within my work and especially now within my life, I see that more is possible.  And I want more.  I seek change in the nature of my daily joy … I want it to stem from lifting up others … directly … clearly … with connection.  So there will be more change … there must be … because I wish to experience the feelings that flow from this type of engagement each day.

So I will take small steps towards richer alignment with my desired joy … my desired life of passionate response.  And for now, I will discover ways to experience pieces of the desired experience now … relish it … use it to form a life pattern I wish to match … and move towards that pattern in steps that bring me into alignment with my desires … and I will make changes … and the journey of change will continue until alignment is reached …